Who Am I?
I’m “A”. I’m a human person in my late 20s and I’m here to write about my thoughts and experiences with regards to identifying as trans and then subsequently detransitioning. Want my street cred?
I was on testosterone for 22 months, from 2016 – 2018. My dose was 0.5ML 200MG/ML approximately every other week. I stopped cold turkey and as of 6 months have not experienced side effects from doing so.
I had a double mastectomy (double-incision top surgery with grafts) in early 2017. My surgeon is US-based and very well-known. Aesthetically, my results are good. I only regret having had the procedure, not my choice of surgeon. I have no plans to have reconstruction at this time, as I feel I would be unhappy with either a) the introduction of foreign objects to my body via implants or b) further grafting.
My (De)Trans Timeline
I first began actively thinking of myself as trans when I was 16 years old. When I was around 22-23, I discovered gender critical writing. I hated it at first, but a lot of it resonated with me. Since my dysphoria was still around, I came to consider myself a transmedicalist.
But the main focus of GC theory isn’t treating dysphoria directly, so although there’s talk of alternate treatments, I did not ultimately find what I needed to ease mine. I did not realize it at the time, but I ended up attempting to suppress my dysphoria, rather than learning to manage it. I had a breakdown when I turned 25. I changed my name and scheduled surgery that same year.
I started escitalopram in early 2018. I stopped taking testosterone only a couple months after doing so. Although I don’t think medication is necessary for everyone, I believe I personally needed it. I was not thinking clearly due to a) the length of time I had held my beliefs and b) my decade-long struggle with depression and anxiety. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had a future again. I could think long-term, broadly, and rationalize. Dysphoria- being trans- no longer made sense in that paradigm.
As of now, I don’t really care much about my identity. I’m just a person, going about doing person things. I like writing and drawing. I’m pint-sized, brown-haired, and if you must know, my sex is female. That’s about it!